Mindfulness for Childhood Issues

Imagine the situation of a young child where a close relative has died. Often the well-meaning adults around them shield the child from the pain they are experiencing as they believe the child is too young to experience such suffering. They believe it’s best not to talk about it.

But look again at this situation. The poor child is likely to be suffering anyway as grandma is not coming around any more but they don’t know why and they feel really sad about it. But no one will let the child talk about it and they also try to hide how they are feeling or pretend that they feel differently. So this poor child is in the situation where they do feel something but no one will let them explain or talk about it. Or worse, they don’t feel like their emotions are valid because they feel sad and confused but no one else will say that they are too. So the child then begins to think that there must be something wrong with them because they feel bad but no one else does, or they get the message that they shouldn’t feel that way.

Or perhaps a favourite toy gets broken and isn’t replaced or they are told to stop crying about it. Again the child has emotions which are not being allowed to come out, so they feel as if they shouldn’t have the feelings, as if there is something wrong with having them.

So the child learns to bury their emotions as they’re not seen as welcome.

Then, as an adult, they might be viewed as not being expressive or lacking in warmth or uncaring. They may be unable to talk to others in a deep way or they are prone to outbursts such as anger.

When emotions are not allowed to be expressed they don’t go away. It’s as if they go down into the basement and pump iron, building up strength ready to burst out at an inopportune moment.

Mindfulness practises allow us to investigate many of these areas including how we feel about things, why we feel the way the way we do and what we might be able to do about it. We can identify the effects and, if it helps, where it might have come from, so that we can find more appropriate and helpful ways of dealing with situations.

This article provides more information on this area https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-anger/202001/9-signs-childhood-emotional-neglect